


Cricket

by Emi_meep



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Character Death, How Do I Tag, Original Character(s), Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:54:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 20
Words: 13,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28091988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emi_meep/pseuds/Emi_meep
Summary: a story about a woman has she moves to Maine and tries to make her wat through life.
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was a final for one of my classes, I'm not to happy with it but the are somethings I'm happy with so enjoy~

I look outside the window of my truck at the sprawling woods and mountains in the distance as I make my way down Interstate 95. I’m so close to my new home, my new start, and a new adventure. Haines! My barely contained excitement causes me to shift lanes, lucky me there's almost nobody near me on the road. There’s one perk to driving a truck with a precariously strapped couch to the bed. Nobody wants to drive near me. 

I was just going to bring the boxes I packed and call it a day, but my parents decided that with their daughter moving away was prime time to get rid of old furniture they didn’t want. Hint… the couch. Honestly if it does fall out while driving, I won’t be too upset, but alas I can’t purposefully make weak knots. It goes against my soul. 

The closer and closer I get to the new city, the more buildings I see. I’m driving right alongside the coast at this point and the smell of sea water starts over righting everything else. Seeing the few boats sway back and forth is calming. Taking in a deep breath, I step on the gas. I can’t wait any longer. I’m eager and antsy to move everything into my new apartment. 

I’ve only seen it in pictures and it’s certainly not a looker, but it’s a sturdy place where I can crash for sure. …and soon. it’ll have a couch furnishing it too. How exiting. 

I don’t need anything fancy to start with, really, I've always had a talent for falling asleep on anything or anywhere is I felt like it. The most important thing I needed is an internet connection. Since I'm not going to have a tv in my place, I need a way to get the news somehow. I’m going to be working at a local newspaper in Haines, now sure I won’t be doing much to start off with, but I still want to be up to date on events. 

The GPS on my phone startles me out of my thoughts as it tells me the next exit I need to take. It’s been a relatively straight shot here for the most part. Although I did take the long scenic route to get here because I wanted to, and no one could tell me not too! Perks of being an adult now. 19 and finally making my way around on my own. Sure, I had some help getting my apartment from my dad but now it’s just me, myself, and I. 

Putting it that way makes me sound a bit lonely. Maybe I should get a pet to help keep me company. Can I afford that? Does my apartment even allow pets? Well, that’s something to look into at least. 

… 

Gently slowing my car to a stop, I park in the spot dedicated to my apartment number. I’ve been driving for 12-ish hours, give or take, with //getting// but taking unnecessary stops along the way. After parking, I felt my excitement start to fade as tiredness sets in. I grab my keys and one of the lighter boxes with my essentials in it and make my way upstairs. 

As I unlock the door, it swings open, the stale air of the tiny place hits me. I’ll have to air out this place pronto. Placing my stuff down I open the window by the door a crack and make my way back to the bedroom. It’s a simple rectangle shaped apartment with the living room area being split with the kitchen at the front of the place where the door opens too. Then I go into a tiny hallway which has the door for the bathroom on my right and the door for my bedroom in front of me. Opening the bedroom door, more stale air awaits me. It’s a small little space with some areas that could use some attention, like the peeling paint in the corners and a mysterious stain on the carpet. 

Looking around, I think about whether or not I should put my desk in here or in the living room. Worries for later though, for now I make my way over to the sizable window and open it. It's a bit hard to open, won’t go down without a fight, but eventually I win. The sea breeze is something I'm going to love getting used to for sure. 

There’s already a mattress there waiting for me, an old looking queen size. When the landlord told me about it, they said the old tenants went ahead and bought a new one and offered to leave it there for the next tenant, just in case they needed or wanted it. Man am I grateful. I didn’t even now people did that, but hey, no complaint from me. I get a bigger sized bed from what I'm used to and don’t have to buy it myself! Win-win. 

Before I let myself crash though I force myself to get the rest of my boxes up. I don’t know what the crime is like here, but I have some stuff in those boxes I'd rather not lose or have to replace. Like my few kitchen appliances. I begged my mother for the KitchenAid so I don’t have to get one myself. So, I'll be damned if I end up having to buy a new one anyways. 

I’m relatively sturdy if I do say so myself, so I can bring up my own boxes with minimal struggle. Still too much effort for my current state. Who knew driving could be so exhausting? I decide to just leave the couch in the bed of my truck because if that gets stolen then good for them, that couch is heavier than it looks, and they save me from having to lug it into my apartment myself. 

I have 4 days before my job starts so I have time to unpack my stuff later. For now, though, I just lock up my front door and make my way to my room. Opening one of my boxes, I pull out my favorite quilt blanket. It’s getting into fall now so perfect time for it. Wrapping it around myself I fall backwards onto my new bed and fall asleep almost instantly. 

...


	2. Chapter 2

It feels like I've been writing for hours. My fingers are moving across my keyboard at a crazy speed but when I glance up at the screen, it’s too fuzzy to make out my I'm typing. Peeking over my laptop I see my competitors focusing solely on their screens and nothing else. Can they see what they're typing? Am I just doing something wrong? 

I can feel the doubt seeping into my mind, making my fingers slow down. Shit. Now is not the time to be falling behind, but with every key press I make, it feels like my fingers are being weighed down little by little. 

Is this part of the competition? Am I the only one struggling? Around me I hear the clicking upon clicking sounds from other keyboards stop. Is everybody else done? Am I the last one? I force myself to focus on the blurry screen. 

I’m just not focusing hard enough. Yea that must be it. It's because I stopped to look away that is causing me to fall behind now. Yeah. 

… 

I can smell my own bullshit reasoning. I’ve never been a good liar, not even to myself. Regardless I think the screen is becoming clearer! I still can’t make out the words, but I can tell that with every slow click and press of my keyboard the words are being formed and added. 

My attempts to type faster are put to a halt when something cold and dark wisps across my hands, sending a dreadful shiver up my spine. I can’t seem to move anymore. My fingers poised and posed over letters that’s they can’t reach. I try moving my head but the only part of me that goes the direction I want are my eyes. Doesn't do me any good with my back hunched and head bowed down toward my keyboard. Still, from the corners of my eyes, I see humanoid shapes moving all around. 

The seats that previously held my competitors are all empty, or at least judging from the lack of feet and legs at their places. Wait, why are they gone? Even after finishing were supposed to sit at our spots and wait for the judges to get out writings. Are the judges still here? Or is everybody gone? Damnit, I knew it, I'm not good enough to be here yet. I took too long. Even if I did finish... whatever it is I was writing; I doubt it’d be much good. For starters, if I can’t even see it then it’s probably littered with typos. 

Am I seriously worrying about typos when I've been left alone with strange shadowy people? Well at least they haven’t done anything to me. Besides stilling me in such an uncomfortable position. Seriously, I'm going to have a crazy knot in my neck whenever I next stand. 

“Oof” 

Or drop onto the floor. That works too, I didn’t want to stand anyways. Wait where'd my chair go? And my desk... and laptop? Since I can move, I look around, I've been working hard on what I was writing! It might not have been much, but I still want it back. 

A shadowy guy in the corner is holding my laptop close to his chest, they're different from the others. They just look like a kid, or at least the size of a kid, and are more of a gradient from white to black. Strange. Kid or not though, I'm getting that laptop back. Standing up is not has smooth has I would've hope though. I snap, crackle, and pop like rice crispy cereal. And yep, I definitely have a sore neck. 

“Hey kid, dude, whatever, could you be a lamb and give that back to me please?” 

The being just cocks their head and stares at me like they don’t know what I mean. 

“What? You took it from me so why are you giving me that look? Just be good for me and-” 

And they're sprinting away? Oh, come on! I’ve never been much of a runner, but I still make chase. The kid’s fast, I'll give them that, but I am determined. I will get back my writing. I will finish the competition. I refuse to be looked down upon because I don’t have my writing to turn in damnit. 

Like before, I can feel doubt trying to crawl its way into my head, I try ignoring it, but it gets to my legs and I slow down anyways. The kid is already out of sight anyways. Besides, I hear a little jingle. Weird considering the only thing I've heard up till now had been clacking of keyboards and my own voice. I stop and glance around, not looking to my right to avoid being blindsided by a something blasting that, now annoying, jingle. 

...


	3. Chapter 3

With a groan I roll over and shut off my phones alarm. I love my cellphone so much but, in the mornings, I want to just throw it out the window. Ugh, I wanted to sleep in today. Although with that weird dream it might be for the best that I woke up. 

Standing up, my back and knees pop and crack as I unfurl myself from my bed. Looking around, it almost feels unreal! I'm standing in my own room; in my own apartment. My own apartment that is littered with so many boxes. It doesn’t seem like that many until they're spread out and in my way. Nobody to blame besides myself. 

I walk into my kitchen for no reason. Habit, I guess. 

Wake up, get breakfast, start my day. 

Hard to do that with no food in kitchen, not my whole apartment besides the candy bars and hard candies I have shoved into my various bags. Regardless I still meander my way in. It’s not even really a kitchen, with a tiny stove, fridge, and minimal counter space I wonder if I'll have room to do anything. I’ll make do. 

Since I'm in here I might as well unpack a couple things before I get ready to leave. After thinking that though, my stomach growls in harsh protest. Breakfast it is then. I dive into the bathroom to freshen myself up first and make sure I at least look presentable. It’s my first day out and about in my new city, I must make a good impression! Should I shower? 

Groooowl- 

Good enough then, with one final flick of my bangs and I move back into my bedroom, I already have an outfit in mind that I’d like to wear but, knowing my luck, it’s probably too wrinkly from being carelessly thrown into the box it was stored in. I would know that because I'm the lazy one that did that. Whoops. 

Opening my clothes box, reveals one of my favorite shirts. It'd a simple pale pink with some cool purple detailing at the bottom. I toss it onto my bed and start searching for my nicer pair of jeans, easy task since they were close to the top. Tossing those on the bed has well, I decide this will do, along with a simple jacket to fight the nippy wind that blows just outside my window. 

… 

After getting ready, I decide to opt for walking around rather than driving. I’ll just grab some breakfast after a bit of exploring. Then head back, hop in my truck, and pick-up groceries. For now, though, I'll enjoy getting some fresh air. It’s a bit hard to decide on a direction to head in so I head toward where my future place of work is. If I find a nice coffee shop on the way there, then maybe I can make that my regular. I tend to fall into habits like that easily. So, if I could find a coffee place now, then that saves me the time of having to search for it while on my way to work. 

The universe must be feeling generous to me seeing as I catch a wonderful whiff of delicious coffee. Like freshly ground beans. This could be it! it’s only been three blocks from my apartment, which isn’t far. Following the smell takes me just a little bit further to the corner of the fourth block. It looks adorable from the outside, very comfy and cozy atmosphere. As I get closer, I see a couple people lounging in leather armchairs working away on their laptops, some sipping from generously sixed mugs and others eating. 

Making my way to the door and opening it I am welcomed with lovely upbeat music and mouthwatering smells. The scents must lift me up and float me over to the counter themselves cause next thing I know I'm standing in front of a cheery middle-aged man and ordering the first things I see on the menu. Walking away, I stare at my receipt and look forward to my caramel espresso and cream cheese bagel. 

… 

On my way back to my apartment, I see a couple places out of the corner of my eyes which I think I should check out later. But nothing is really sticking in my mind besides how I don’t think I've ever enjoyed a bagel so much before. I’m carrying the rest of my drink with me in a to-go cup, sipping it regularly to keep me warm. 

Well, the coffee place was on the path to work, reasonably priced, and tasty. A return visit will definitely happen even if I don’t make them my regular place. The people were so nice! The man was always talking with someone happily, be it his co-workers or customers. It made a really nice welcoming feeling in the shop. Maybe I should take my laptop with me next time and write a bit in there. 

Sometimes a change of atmosphere and location is a much-needed push to get things done. I don’t believe humans were meant to sit alone and separated in one spot for long period of time, so I always enjoy working in a place with others around. 

Did I even get the shop’s name? 

Slam 

Sometimes I overestimate the strength needed to close my trucks door. Sure, it’s an old beast but the doors open and close just fine, I should be more careful with it. Now onto everyone's favorite activity. 

Grocery shopping. 

I pull my tangled earbuds out of my jacket pockets in hopes that music will make this lengthy process feel a little less tedious. 

...


	4. Chapter 4

Uuugh. What the... I fell asleep? 

I pick myself up to try and get my bearings. I’m in my room so I must've taken a nap after finishing up my shopping. Judging by the pile of bags around me I'm going to confirm my own thought. 

Groooowl- 

Ah yes. The never-ending cycle that is hunger. Forcing myself out of my bed I trudge my way into the kitchen that looks... Different. Wasn’t I just in here earlier today? I don’t remember it being this clean and big. I must've done some cleaning before passing out. This is why I hate naps, they make my feel like I wake up in a different era all together. 

Opening the fridge and seeing it fully stocked up is a nice sight though. However, I didn’t think I had this big of a budget for food. Grabbing and apple I decide to think about it later. My blackberry is sitting on the counter so I check the time, seeing that it’s only 3 in the afternoon I opt to unpack some stuff. I eenie meenie miney mo to see what room I should work on first and settle on the bathroom first. 

I grab the box fittingly named “Bathroom shit” and head to the tiny room. This box was packed by my mother, so I know without having to even open it that it’s neat. Moving the box from side to side isn’t working in freeing my arms to I was use my foot to turn the knob and my hip to push it open. I am talented in many ways. 

I stop, however, when I see that my curtain is shuffling around. Huh. Maybe the window in here was left open. With a little shrug to myself I move on, starting with my sink cabinet. I get quite picky about where my toiletries do so to once again pass the time, I pull my earbuds out of my jeans pocket; I don’t remember putting them in there but just blame it on the nap messing me up. 

… 

About a good hour or hour and a half must've passed before the moving and waving of my shower curtains start to get really annoying. I move everything aside so I can get up and close the window when it hits me. Really if should hit sooner but oh well. 

I don't have a bathroom window. 

Just the small one up front and the large one in my bedroom. 

Air vent maybe? Yeah... That has to be it. There must be an annoyingly placed air vent the makes my curtain shuffle. I think opening my curtain to one side should do the trick in stilling it. It’s an ugly pattern anyways, with all my groceries and shopping done, apparently, I couldn’t splurge on a new curtain. 

I walk over and whip it open without any real care behind it. So, imagine my surprise when there's a kid sitting in tub. 

Is it a kid? It looks to be the size of one, but It looks shadowy in a way, like not all there. White at the top spreading to black at the bottom where is looks like tendrils or coming from their shirt. Looking like they’ve been ripped away or something. He’s hard to explain. 

He's also very familiar. 

Nope 

I did not sign up for this. I just wanted to unpack a couple boxes of my stuff. I turn around and opt to ignore him. He's already been in there so if he was going to hurt me or something then he would've done so already. So, with that he can wait to be dealt with till after I finish unpacking. 

It’s hard to admit but I wish I left the curtain closed. The feeling of something watching me is worse than the shuffling. I have to tell him to stop don’t I... Looking over, mouth open and ready to speak thought, and he’s nowhere to be seen. 

Sigh. Whatever. 

…


	5. Chapter 5

It’s the next morning and I've been staring at my laptop screen all damn morning. After whipping up myself some eggs, I was able to get some writing done before I attacked more of the unpacking. I always try to write a little bit every day. I can make a habit out of so many things, but writing daily, or some reason, is a habit I want but won’t stick. 

Today, however, does not appear to be a great writing day. Absolutely nothing has made its way into my word document. Thus, leading me to two other options; either finish all my unpacking today so I feel like I’ve accomplished something, or what I've been kind of dreading. 

Pants shopping. 

More specifically, pants-for-work shopping. I have enough fancy shirts to last me a little bit but finding good pants that fit is always a lot more of a struggle. 

And speaking of struggles, I still have that ugly couch sitting downstairs in my truck. I got some strange looks while loading the back with my bags of groceries, I couldn't help but snicker a bit. Some of the looks I received from passersby, almost made dragging the couch along with me worth it. So much for a good first impression. 

Anyways, I'm getting myself off topic, I’ll drag that beast up first then unpack. I’ll leave pants shopping for another day. Like tomorrow. Yes, make pants shopping tomorrow's problem. Today is that dreaded couch. I have to get it up one flight of stairs; then squeeze it through my tiny front door, while not letting it fall off the second-floor ledge. 

Did I even see if it can fit in my living room? 

… 

Welp. I dig through the boxes in the living and grab my tape measure out. Then I shove the few boxes to the side to have a clear space to measure the whole length of the room. After measuring, I pull on my shoes and head downstairs. It’s quite windy, making me regret not grabbing a jacket. Oh well, too late for that. 

I hit the bottom of the stairway and saw the couch standing up like a piece of fried beacon. It’s a shame it’s still there but oh well. I get to work undoing the straps and cords keeping it tied down. They were almost too easy to remove, I truly am shocked it survived the trip here. It's old for a reason I guess, won’t go down easily. 

I hear a door open from the section of apartments behind me and I can’t help but peek over at them. I can be quite nosey at times, despite having an awful time with faces and names. I love gossip but it truly means nothing to me because I can never properly associate people with the scandals. On particularly bad days, it feels like everyone's face are completely fogged over, completely closed off from letting me see. 

I used to worry about it but I just figure everyone has issues with stuff like that too. Anyways, I'm able to recognize the person as my landlord. Maybe I can get their help? 

I go to raise my hand and flag them down, but my hand stops, and no words come out. How annoying, reaching out to people can be so hard sometimes. Whatever, I’m a strong independent lady, I'm sure I can do this myself! 

… 

Haaa... Haaa... uuuuugh.... 

Is there a dead body stored in this couch!? It’s. So. Heavy! 

I’ve just reached the top of the stairs and my arms are burning. They’re going to be so incredibly sore tomorrow. I need to start working out now that P.E. isn’t a mandatory thing needed to exist as an adult. but some more arm strength would really do me some good right now. 

The sound of me pushing my couch along the floor to reach the apartment door is... Unsavory to say the least. I pray to the universe that everybody is already out and about since it’s 10 a.m. However, I still say sorry while passing a couple of doors while on the way to my own. 

Once poised in front of the entryway, I open the door and prop open, so it doesn't close. If I get the couch in line with my open door, then with a bit more shoving and boom, I'll have a living room furnished with a couch. How adult of me. 

…


	6. Chapter 6

The rest of my unpacking was uneventful. I hung a couple pictures on the wall, pulled out the rest of my kitchen ware, and hung a lot of clothes. For now, I don’t have a dresser so everything that doesn’t get hung is left to clutter the bottom of my closet. Not the prettiest thing to look at but hey, it’ll work for now. 

I set up a little fold away table I had, as well, placing it in front of the couch, and placing my laptop on it. Only the finest set up for me. I have some frozen chicken tenders getting baked in the oven. I had to scrub the hell out of the oven, I'll do a more thorough cleaning of it later, but my hunger will not wait that long, and I have the rumblies for tenders. 

I fetch them and hunker down onto my couch which is now littered with my blankets, including my quilt. If I'm going to keep this monstrosity, that passes as a couch, then it’s going to become the holder of all my blankets. I’m sure I was a bird in another life with how often I make little nests out of my stuff. 

Once I settled in, I pull forward the little stand currently holding my laptop, I was never particularly close with my parents per say, but we did start a nice weekly ritual of watching movies every Friday. We would rotate every week who got the honors of picking out movies. My father always tended to lead towards horror movies, my mother likes Disney and rom-coms, and I tried mixing it up every time I chose. Tonight, wouldn’t be my turn but now that I live alone, every week is my turn. 

Oh, the power I wield. 

I’m feeling some mystery tonight. While I was out grocery shopping, I saw a new detective movie had been released. The detective on the cover looks quite alluring but reading the summary made it sound a bit cliché. A big-time businessman shows up dead and the only lead they have to start with is the wife left behind. 

I went ahead and rented it, that way if I don’t like it then I won’t feel bad about wasting money. After putting the disk into my laptop, I have a couple minutes to waste while it loads. While the DVD is loading, I munch on my dinner...I can feel my eyes start to drift closed. I didn’t think I was that tired but apparently, I was wrong. I hope this movie is good, otherwise I might just end up falling asleep while watching it. 

Oh well. 

Finally, after resting my eyes for a bit and slowly chewing my chicken, I hear the tell-tale sound of movie trailers before the actual feature. I go ahead and skip them and get right to the good bit. It starts with a long monologue about how this detective's life feels like it’s at a standstill. 

I think. 

To be honest I zoned out while he was talking. Mr. Main Actor here has a lovely deep voice that seems to just take all tension out of my body. It's so relaxing and soothing. When action finally starts, I jolt slightly. There's a chase scene going on, the detective is racing after a figure I can’t quite make out. Too overpowered by the shadows on the alleyway they're in to make out. I start to lean forward in my seat, both from being intrigued and confused on what’s going on. My brain starts becoming uninterested in this movie as a whole, but then the detective shouts in that lovely deep voice. 

“KID! GET BACK HERE!” 

Why is he chasing a kid? Oh, the kid must've stolen something. Little troublemaker. 

I get the feeling that this scene won’t go on much longer, so I just lean back and finish my food. Thinking, after this scene I'll just turn off the movie and go to bed; I pretty much completely clock out of caring. I start looking at the background and how well the sets are made when the kid runs out into open sun light. 

He turns and looks straight into the camera. And just... stares. 

This kid looks so familiar. but I can’t place it. Maybe I've seen him in another movie perhaps. However, this is a bit strange for this kind of movie. I mean looking straight into the camera like that? I would’ve thought that'd be a big old no-no. 

And why is that kid's face so incredibly pale? He looks like a ghost frankly. 

Oh well. 

…


	7. Chapter 7

It’s been a couple weeks and I think I've been settling down here nicely. Haines is full of a lot nicer and understanding people compared to Rolla. I’ve made a couple mistakes at my new workplace, but people are quick to help me out. Every time they warn me that I should be more careful but they’re understanding. Since I'm new, mistakes are bound to happen. One person mentioned I'm lucky the big boss hasn’t noticed any of my mistakes yet, I have heard murmurs of how scary he can get. Other than my first day here, I haven’t seen him around. 

Aside from getting used to working, I’ve just been enjoying the freedom of living on my own. Just the other day, I ate an entire package of double stuffed Oreos and no one was around to tell me not too! I felt great! 

Until I didn’t. 

Turns out eating a whole package of Oreos is not great for your stomach. Oh well, you live and you learn. 

I’ve also been frequenting the coffee shop from my first day here, lovely people. I just wish I remember their names, that’s a bit of an issue at my workplace too. I should put more effort into people's names. I got Janet mixed up with Jeremy. They were nice about it but dear lord, that’s quite the mix up. 

Anyways, back to the coffee shop, I asked the same middle-aged man from the other day, who I'm guessing is the manager, if it’s alright to do some of my work there. I’ve already seen many people typing, writing, and even drawing in there, but I still wanted to make sure. With great enthusiasm, he said it was absolutely alright to do so. He even mentioned how he tries to make this place warm and inviting. He sees people wanting to do their work there has a great compliment! Means he’s doing something right. 

As it starts getting a bit colder, I see more and more people in the shop. I understand this thought because my own apartment doesn’t quite like holding in as much heat as I'd prefer. I’d think I'd be used to the cold with how much I like camping but alas, I am not. 

Speaking of camping, every time I take my truck out for a drive, I see so many interesting places I'd like to visit. Being a bit closer to the coast now means I've taken quite the liking to making the short 30-minute drive to the shore and just watching the waves come crashing to the rocks. Looking out on the water, I can see little islands, like little breaks from the seemingly endless sea that is spread out before me. 

I’ve looked into camping spots around these parts of Maine. One good thing about living in Rolla was being surrounded by thick forests, camping in the backyard really felt like camping in the wild. I honestly miss that. My parents didn’t have a lot of time to go on actual real camping trips, so when I got a tent for one of my birthdays, I wore that sucker out just from camping in the backyard. Sometimes my father would join me, but if he didn’t then I didn’t mind. More space for me. 

I told myself that even if I'd get swamped with work, that I would still make time for camping. Camping is a great time for relaxing and connecting with nature. Most of the time I'm working on my laptop and it’s good to just detach from that. It would be a great shame if I forgot what the stars looked like because the city lights like to block them out. 

When I'm camping, I don’t have to worry about faces or names. 

And my dreams are always quieter out there. 

It’s nice 

...


	8. Chapter 8

What drink should I get today? 

It’s now been about half a year since I started living on my own out here. I've faced some issues sure, but all and all, I've really been fitting it here. At the moment, I'm enjoying my walk to work. I decided to leave a little bit earlier so I can enjoy a stroll before being stuck at a desk for eight hours. I walk into my usual coffee shop and take a deep breath. 

The strong coffee smell mixing with the smell of all the breakfast foods is always delicious. As I'm walking up to the counter, I spot a new employee. Peeking around I spot the lady who usually makes my drinks, she changes her hair color every week so it’s always fun to guess what color is next. When I see a shock of pink hair bouncing around making a variety of drinks, I start looking for the other usual worker. The nice man is nowhere to be seen. That’s a bit sad I'll admit but everyone could use a break. 

I walk up to order whatever I first see on the menu, which happens to be a mint mocha. The new guy seems nice enough, I guess, I notice that he’s wearing a name tag unlike the other two that normally work here. Looking at his name tag, I noticed it only has one letter on it, D. It appears as if the rest was smudged off, like he didn't wait long enough before touching his tag after writing his name with a marker. He seems like the impatient type as I could hear the tapping of his foot while I was distracted looking at his name tag. Even though he seemed the impatient type, there was an air about him that lured me in. 

I check my watch after getting my drink and see that I don’t have much time to hang around and chat with the new guy. So, I give a nod and say goodbye to the baristas and go on my way. 

The following morning, I tried to get there early, so I could chat with whom I've dubbed as ‘Mr. D’ while the coffee shop was still slow with customers. I found out he was a film student; he didn’t really strike me as much; my guess was maybe business or something more uptight, but the world is full of surprises I guess. And the film industry can still be quite uptight. 

"A film student? Wow, how fancy. Tell me mister film student, what do you consider a great movie?" 

He didn't take long with his answer, barely even hesitated a second. 

"Shrek. Hands down." 

To be honest he could have stung and words together, and I would have assumed it was some underground indie film of sorts, but out of all the answers I was preparing myself for, Shrek was not one of them. I couldn't help but bust out laughing. 

He quirked his eyebrow at me as he was washing a glass out, "What? Don't tell me you have something against the lean mean green man himself! If Shrek is too good for you then fine, tell me what you do" 

“I’m a writer. Well, a wanna-be one. I mostly just get stuck doing tedious jobs around the office like gathering relevant information of sorting papers. But every now and then, I do get to write my own column, a filler one but still.” 

“Well, that's still something, anything I might've read?” 

“You know, you don’t strike me as a magazine reader. I write for a local one here, they used to do newspapers but changed a couple years ago to magazines to be more modern.” 

“That’s fair, I don’t see anyone reading newspapers any more besides dads on TV.” 

“My thoughts exactly!” 

… 

Mr. D, real name David, he has been working at the coffee shop a lot more lately. Apparently, the man that used to always take my orders, is having some health complications. I hope he gets better soon. 

Ooof- 

“Watch it!” 

“Sorry!” 

Yeesh, I really need to stop dozing off while I'm working. Someone gave me a stack of papers they want me to sort through and now they’re all over the floor. Well not like they can be any more unorganized than they were before. 

…


	9. Chapter 9

It’s almost July! Which means it’s almost my birthday. I have a little camping trip planned out for myself, but I've been thinking of asking David to join me as well. We’ve gone on a date or two since we’ve started talking at the coffee shop. We get along well although we tend to dance around each other when there's not a coffee bar separating us. I think a little camping trip will help us get closer. 

Come Saturday morning I make my way out into the fresh morning air. I’ve planned this for a bit, I'm going to walk in, ask when he’s on break, then ask if he’s free the beginning of July. If he says no, then... Well, I’ll just enjoy the trip myself, if he says yes then I'll ask if he wants to join! It’s a full proof plan. 

As I walk further and further down my block though, I feel the sidewalk below me start to grow uneven. it feels like it’s moving almost. I look around and see if anyone else is having the same but I'm the only one unsteady on my feet. I feel out of place, why am I the only one struggling here? 

I keep trying to make my way to the coffee shop, it feels like it’s taking forever though. And where have the people gone? 

People around me keep dwindling until the only one left on the sidewalk besides me and my sea legs is a little kid. He looks at me and starts running, but he also looks like he’s struggling. 

“WAIT!” 

He doesn’t stop. 

“You could hurt yourself running out here! Dammit WAIT!” 

He turns and makes a dash down an alleyway. I start to slow down from becoming out of breath. It takes a lot of effort to run on unsteady ground like this. I start to think I should just leave the kid alone, but I hear trash cans fall over and I can’t help but worry about the damn kid. 

Using the last of my energy to sprint after him again, has I turn the corner I find him on all fours. Next to him are knocked over trash cans on the ground. The poor kid looks sick, deathly pale, as in almost blending in with his white shirt. The space of white only broken up by a scrape oozing blood on his cheek. Damn kid, if he listened to me that wouldn’t have happened. 

I somehow make my way over to him and kneel to inspect the cut closer. He tries to pull out of my hold but I'm not going to let him run away again. Being this close, I can see how the boy feels and seems so familiar. I run a thumb over his uninjured cheek like it’s the most natural thing to do. I open my mouth to ask who he is... 

But then my phone rings. Damn phone. I rush to pull it out and check to see who sent me a message. I fear it’s my boss asking me to come in to work but it’s just David. 

David! 

Shoot I was meant to ask him something today! Damn his break is probably already over. 

“Look kid I have to...” 

He’s gone. 

I was just holding him and looking at him. But he's gone. I look around to try and locate him and (delete but) all I see are what I can only describe as a smoke trail turning the corner opposite of where we entered from. I debate running after him again but I'm too tired, I can’t even remember what I was going to ask the guy. Did I just forget his name? I try getting up, but the cement below moves the opposite way I do, and I ungracefully fall into a trash pile. 

Glorious. 

…


	10. Chapter 10

I wake up with a headache. Always my favorite thing to wake up with. I love it so much. 

Sarcasm. 

Even if I did just wake up with a headache, I am not letting this ruin my day because it is Sunday, June 30th and I’m going on a camping trip with my boyfriend today! Last year's trip couldn’t happen but this year we were both able to make time for a whole week-long trip! Today we head out and then drive back on Friday. I’m so excited! 

It’s been almost two years of living in Haines and it’s gone better than I could've hoped. I’m doing well at my job and making fewer mistakes plus I’ve been writing more articles and columns. Not to mention, I have a wonderful boyfriend. We enjoy movie nights and little mini camping trips every other month, it’s really been nice. With my job and his classes, it’s nice to have four days with just each other. 

Knock knock knock- 

That must be David! He's awfully early, I hop up and go to answer the door, on my way I pass all the new pictures I've put up since living here. Of course, there's a lot of David, but there's also a couple of us hanging out with his friends. They're a rowdy group, not really the type I'd prefer to hang out with but they're welcoming, and I'll take any extra time to hang out with David. Also, on my wall are some of my favorite pieces I've written, sure one may be about the old people chess group here in town, but I still like how I wrote it. 

I finally cross the distance to open the door and am greeted with David absolutely loaded with bags and gear. Sure, it’s a week trip but we don’t need that much. 

“Geezus dude, did you buy out a whole camping store? And why are you here so early? We don’t have to leave till 10” 

I open the door, so he comes on in and unloads some of his stuff while I finish getting ready. 

“What do you mean early, I'm on time! See, 6:50 A.M.! That’s close enough to 10.” He holds out his phone to show me the time. Once all the way inside, he favors just collapsing on the couch entirely rather than taking off his gear first. 

“You and I have very different ideas of what ‘early’ means. Either way, you're here now so do you want some breakfast?” 

“Oh, gods yes, this stuff is heavy, I'm going to need all the energy I can get if I have to lug this around with us through this entire trip.” 

“Well good news for you, you don’t need half of that shit. I would’ve thought that with all the times you camped with me, you’d know that by now. Eggs? Scrambled or over easy?” 

“Scrambled please. And okay, yes, I get it, I over pack-” 

“That’s an understatement!” 

“Let me finish! Just help me sort what I need when you're done.” 

“Yeah, I will you big baby, where would you be without me.” I sigh dramatically while beating 4 eggs in a bowl. 

“Not camping for sure, I’d have put myself in summer classes. Do homework into the night. when not doing homework, then I'd be out drinking every night with the guys. You know; having fun.” 

“Hardy-har. If you don’t want to camp, then you can leave, that's fine! The door is right behind you, I’m not forcing you to join me. I’ll just enjoy my birthday trip on my own. Again.” I look over at him with dramatic puppy dog eyes while moving and flipping the eggs over in the pan with practiced movements. 

We chat for a bit longer before I gather my stuff up and sort through his. Since it's the middle of summer and pretty nice weather, we’re just camping in hammocks. I chose a place that’s on one of the little islands of the coast not too far from here. 

… 

We get there and get to hiking, have to make sure we find the right spot to make camp for the night. Good thing about hammocks is how easy it is to pick up and move. Since we’re on a little island I made the request of finding somewhere closer to the water so we can have the waves drift us to sleep. 

…


	11. Chapter 11

Shhaaa 

The first rays of light are the cause of waking me up so early. Camping right next to the water is nice and all, but I'm finding out that the biggest downside is having no trees to block the sunrise on its way to ruin my beauty sleep. I guess the sun isn’t entirely to blame considering we are on the side of the island facing the east. But still, have some courtesy sun. 

After cursing out the sun, I decide to go for a little morning walk on my own, nothing wrong with that. On one of these island parks, (delete there) is a lake that seems nice and shallow at first but is actually quite deceptive. I’ve heard lots of people have lost their lives from trying to swim in there and misjudging where the bottom is. How scary. I wish I could remember what park that was. 

I highly doubt it’s the very one I'm at simply because this one seems quite small compared to other places I've been, not to mention that I’ve passed a lot of families so far. One wouldn’t think this place would be has popular with families if it had a dangerous lake like the one I’ve heard of. 

Either way, I'd still like to see it, I think I'd be cool. A lake that looks innocent and shallow but is secretly very deep, the surface of the water must look crazy. 

I look at my watch and see that it’s 5:30. I find a nice patch of grass on the side of this little trail I started following and decide to just relax a bit more before I go back to my spot to make myself breakfast. I make the mistake of closing my eyes for a quick second... 

I just rest for a moment, with my eyes closed... 

… 

“Hey.” 

Uggggh 

“Hey!” 

“Five... minutes...” 

“Get UP!” 

I shoot up after feeling someone poke harshly into the side of my rib. “Watch it will you?!” 

“You shouldn’t sleep on the side of the trail.” 

Looking at the person who poked me up and down, I see it’s just a kid! It’s a tiny little kid, maybe 3 or 4 perhaps. “And you shouldn’t go poking random adults.” 

“The only thing random about you is your choice of sleeping spots. Weirdo.” He turns around and starts walking away from me. Did he just stop to wake me up? ...and he called me the weirdo. 

“I wasn’t sleeping kid, I was RESTING!” I had to shout the last part to make sure he heard me. Either way I really should be getting back to my spot by now. 

Ummm... 

Where was it again? 

Shit I think I'm lost. 

… 

After a while of walking around, with no luck may I add, I come across a lake. It was more like a pond really. The sun was bouncing off it so delicately, and it’s framed by small cliffs over one half of it. The surface is such a beautiful turquoise color, so lovely and inviting! Because of how the sun is hitting it, the surface is making a beautiful turquoise light show on the side on the small cliffs. 

How mesmerizing. I really can’t help but get closer and closer, it’s as if the lake is pulling me forward and I can’t resist. The grass around transitions into smooth rocks and pebbles that are slippery to walk on. I manage to keep my balance up until I'm calf deep in the water. I start struggling a little more, but my feet keep me moving forward. Not that I resist much, after all the closer I get into the lake the closer I get to the gorgeous light show. 

I see so many more colors up close, all twisting and turning like a magical kaleidoscope. I take only a couple more steps before I'm down to my lung in the water and get thrown off balance. 

I struggle to keep my head above water but can’t. The calm lake has been turned wild like the sea during a storm! 

I can’t fight it- 

I’m getting pulled in! 

…


	12. Chapter 12

I wake up with a jolt! My alarms blaring through the speakers of my alarm clock informing me that it is now Monday. Honestly, I'm happy I have my alarm clock, I feel it’s the only thing that keeps me on track these days. It’s been busy and confusing lately and it’s starting to make me feel like the days are blending together. 

The magazine, I work for, hasn’t been doing so well lately. So that means we’ve had to let go of a couple of people. For those that are lucky enough to keep their jobs, it means double the work on us. I’ve invited David to move in with me; not just to help with the bills and to spend more time with each other. Because we’ve been together for a little over year at this point, I thought we were on the same page. 

I thought wrong, I guess. 

It’s May now and Maine is slowly starting to welcome summer. I knew David's rent would be up because he mentioned having to go apartment hunting in the heat. I asked him to move in with all the confidence he would say yes- 

To be honest I wasn’t prepared for the no that came instead. 

That’s fine, it’s totally fine. He’s just not ready! I must’ve been going too fast, it’s my bad. 

Things were normal for a little bit longer, but then he started pulling away from me. I assumed he was just busy, after all, I was too. Every now and then I found myself feeling nauseous from what I guessed was all the stress I was under. And then he started flaking out of our date nights. 

And I started throwing up. I tried asking him what I should do but he wasn’t much help at all. 

“Just drink some Pepto bismol or something, I don’t know.” 

Great. That’s real helpful babe. Thank you for that lovely insight. Am I dying? Can I die from stress crushing me? 

I pick up my cellphone and call a number that has been drilled in my head with no hope of been forgotten. 

Riiing Riiing Rii- 

“Hello? Piper?” 

“Hey mom...” 

… 

I told her everything, we haven’t caught up since my last birthday when I told her about my camping trip with David. It was kind of nice having someone else to talk to. I haven’t made any real friends since being here, and my friendships from high school weren’t exactly great, so David was really the only person I had near me. 

So, I told her about how he was pulling away, about work coming crashing down, and how I feel sick every day. My mother never really had strong ‘motherly instincts’ but that doesn’t mean she didn’t like lecturing me every chance she got. Of course, I was expecting a lecture. Maybe about dating what she would deem has trash, or about not watching my health better. 

“Could you be pregnant?” 

Oh... 

“Did you hear me? I swear child, answer me if you heard me. You know I hate being ignored. If you-” 

“I don’t know...” I manage to mutter out. 

“What? Speak up.” 

“I. Don’t. Know.” 

“Well, my advice is that you should probably look into that before you start assuming you're dying. Having a kid is something you ought to be prepared for. Now I have some of your old baby stuff if you want that but we’re not going to lend you money. Another thing I advise; get a new job. And- Oh! Cathy’s here for wine night, I must let you go now. Good luck.” 

“Wait! But I…” 

Click- 

Dammit. That woman really talks to fast for my liking. 

Pregnant though, huh... I never thought about that. 

…


	13. Chapter 13

“Hey babe! I’m home!” 

“You don’t have you yell; you know. You could whisper and I'd hear you from the bedroom.” 

David passes by the kitchen area and I stop him for a quick kiss, I’ve been slaving away on dinner all afternoon, so I deserve a quick kiss. Once I turn away and back to... What was I cooking again? Huh... well has I return to the stove I hear him put away all his stuff in my, no our room. He starts talking about his day has soon has he returns to the main room. 

I start plating our dinner when my phone goes off. It’s weird that it’s going off so late into the evening, but I pick it up while on my way to fetch silverware. David says something about just ignoring the call so I can help him pick out a movie, but I just ignore him instead. 

“Hello? This is Piper speaking.” 

“...” 

Nothing, weird. I pull the phone away from my head so I can look at the caller ID. It’s my boss! Why is he calling so late? 

“Hello sir? Is there a reason you called me so late?” 

“I need you to come in for a shift” 

Now my boss is a big dude, I compare him to an angry walrus when I rant to David about him. Yet the voice on the other side of the call sounds almost like a child. Does he have a kid? My mind supplies me with an image of a big walrus and a tiny baby one hiding behind him, it’s quite cute. 

“But I did a 9 hour shift today, I got all my tasks nice an cleared up for the weekend! What could there possibly be left to do?” 

“There’s a lake. It’s taken another one.” 

“... I’m going to pretend like I understand what you mean and politely tell you know; I'm not working anymore tonight-” 

“But the kid!” 

“What kid? 

“...” 

Great now he’s not talking to me. 

“Is there a kid in trouble somewhere?” 

“That depends on you.” 

“What the heck?” 

Click- 

I hang up and bring the plates over to our coffee table. David, waiting very impatiently, asks what that call was about. I don’t have anything to lie about so I answer truthfully 

“I don’t know.” 

…


	14. Chapter 14

It’s February now. February 2014 if I can still manage to remember what year I'm in. My mind is dragging even more then my feet, both from the stress of everything around me and from the several pounds I'm put on. 

Turns out my mother guessed right; I was pregnant. And when I told David... 

He ran. He took everything and just disappeared. 

Leaving me all alone with a kid that I had no idea how to raise. Despite all of that, I'm going to try and give this kid the best chance I can give them. Lately, recognizing people has become another extremely hard task of late. I went ahead and quit my job before mixing my boss with the mailman again get me fired. 

The whole place was going under and it was for the better anyways. Now I write articles for an online website. It’s only a tiny bit of money though, and the pay won’t keep up the bills, but it’ll have to do for now. 

It’s so hard to think- 

I should get a new place. And another job. should I move out of the city? Is city living good for kids? Am I ready for this? 

No- 

I have so many doubts filling my head, spinning around and ever present. never leaving me alone and never giving me a clear moment. I want to run away myself, just like he did, run away from the pressure and responsibility of having a baby. I keep asking myself the same damn questions over and over again- 

Am I doing the right thing? Can I really be a mother? What if I'm not good enough? Can I even do this on my own? 

Ah- 

Pain lights up my back, I barely keep myself upright by leaning on the counter. My thoughts start racing, like they weren't already, about what is causing this pain! 

Another wave of pain hits but this time in the form of a crushing cramp. I cripple onto my knees, arms wrapping around my stomach to protect the baby. 

Oh. Is It time? does this pain mean he’s finally coming-? 

AAAAAah ha... haa... 

Shit- I don’t feel ready at all, I should call someone! I call the hospital, right? Was I supposed to warn them in advance? Why didn’t I look anything up! 

HUURK- 

IT HURTS! 

Everything HURTS! 

I attempt to reach for my phone but it’s still perched on the counter. I can’t tell quite were it is- 

I’m starting to feel like headed- 

I finally feel my trembling hand reach the phone 

... 

As I come down from the pain, after spending what feels like hours upon hours just pushing and heaving for the child to come out, my head feels empty. The silence I was wanting in my head for so long is now scary. The nurse is talking to me but I can’t pay attention. Her voice is as blurry to make out has her face is, and it bothers me when I try to focus on her for too long. 

She walks over to my side and gently places something on my chest. She keeps holding it there as she waits for me to actually respond and take what she was giving me. My arms feel like lead, the least of the pain, when compared to the rest of my body but still it’s something I push through. 

It’s- it’s the kid, that is what she has given me. That makes sense. I stare down at the bloody mess of a baby in my arms and it seems like the world has become brighter. It's wiggling and crying so much, but I feel the need to hold on to this baby forever, like he is all I'll ever need. 

This baby. My son. I was so unsure about everything before this but now I only feel the drive to make you happy. 

…


	15. Chapter 15

Uuuugh... 

Great, waking up with another splitting headache. Guess that’s better than the pain I went through in my dream... 

That was a dream, right? It felt so real. Though I don’t know if I could really go through with having a kid. Plus I don’t even know if David wants any either. I slide my hands over my stomach and feel that it is flat, then move over to feel the left side of the mattress. The sheets are tossed all over the place and there's still a bit of warmth so David must've just gotten up. 

Que the sound of a plate breaking. 

This is why I don’t let him cook! I get up and throw on a sweater on my way out of the bedroom. Before I even turn into the kitchen, I can see shattered bits of a plate adoring the hallway. 

“Isn’t that like the 5th plate you have broken since moving in?” 

“This place is too small!” 

“What does living in a small place have to do with your damn butterfingers! I swear, sometimes I think you drop plates to get out of eating your own cooking. I should admit, I've thought of doing the same thing myself!” I gently pick up the pieces in sight, thankfully my plates break into easy to pick up big chunks rather than tiny little shards. He’s broken enough that we know that for sure. 

“Well forgive me for trying to be nice! I try to make my girlfriend a nice breakfast in bed and instead I just get yelled at!” 

I clear my throat to try and hold back a snicker. 

“Says the only person in this apartment who is currently raising their voice.” I can’t help the teasing tone that slips into my voice. He starts rambling about how we should just eat off paper plates and use plastic flatware when I see a puff of smoke pass my vision. Not entirely sure where that came from, I open my mouth to ask if something is burning, but I'm scared of the answer. 

He’s still ranting so I clear my throat to get his attention, “Is, um, is something burning dearest?” 

He sniffs around and even though I can’t smell anything I see his eyes go wide after a big whiff. 

“MY PANCAKES!” 

He practically throws what was left of the broken plate pieces into the trash before ripping open the oven and pulling out... Well, he called them pancakes but that’s too generous of a name for the dark brown disks gracing my good baking pan. 

“You made pancakes in the oven? You didn’t strike me has the kind of person to prefer those over normal pancakes. Also having fun scrubbing that pan until its sparkling. There’s no way in hell I'm cleaning that.” 

“I didn’t want to make them in the oven! It’s just, the stove didn’t turn...” He mumbles the last part while turning away. 

“Ahem, what was that?” 

“I couldn’t turn the stove on so I just took the batter and put into the oven. It does the same thing right? Just have to get it really hot and botta bing botta boom - Pancakes!” 

“Cooking something on the stove and baking something are very different things dearest. Do you want me help?” 

“... Yea.” 

“Great! But first, start with scrubbing my pan clean.” 

“But-!” 

“Nope! I don’t want to hear it! Either make my pan as good has new or buy me a new pan altogether.” He groans rather then giving me an actual response. 

“Oh, and babe-”, I step over to the stove and press down on the nob before turning it, has the flame alights I see David’s eyebrows pinch together in distaste. 

“Well, that’s because you're a damn witch I say. A WITCH!” 

I can’t help but laugh out loud before finally straitening up to get things ready for making some non-burnt pancakes. While I gather new utensils from several drawers, I see a head pop in and out of our front window. I didn’t think any kids lived in this apartment, maybe I was wrong though. They must’ve just been curious and stopped to see what we were doing. 

…


	16. Chapter 16

Oliver. 

My precious son. 

He turns two today! 

I can’t believe it. I couldn’t tell you where the time goes. I couldn’t tell you everything that’s happened. Everything around me is a blur, everything besides Oliver. Watching him grow has been wonderful. My heart swells with pride and squeezes with love every time I see him. 

I’ve been in and out of jobs, I don’t remember them though, but I did it to get Oliver and I a bigger apartment. He now has his own room to decorate! Much like me, he’s quite taken with the outdoors, specifically the life and creatures. He loves foxes and bears so much. Where other kids would have a giant superhero poster over their beds, Oliver pointed out a life-sized standing bear sticker for his wall. He got so happy! Kept making adorable little grabby hands for it 

How could I say no to that face he gives me though, that sweet innocent face? So, what if the wall sticker is too big for his wall. He doesn’t mind that the head of bear is folded over to be put on his wall. 

I can’t wait to take him on camping trips, we’ve already been on one technically. When he turned one, I brought him too a little cabin where we spent the night. I wanted to get him used to the outdoors early, but I also want his first big camping trip to be something he remembers. 

I have something planned for later on, I'm going to save up for it, buy him really nice gear, then we’re heading too Mira National Park! It’s one of the biggest islands of the Maine coast that’s open for camping. I’ve always wanted to go there but never really got the chance. But soon I will, and I'll take Oliver with me! 

… 

The more Oliver grew, the more exited I got for the big camping trip. I was going to wait till he was about seven but I'm impatient. My boy is five now and I couldn’t be happier. He’s so social, never hesitating to start a conversation with anyone who even spares him a moment of their time. And I can’t forget how curious he is. 

Always climbing trees because he wants to know what the view is like, taking apart remotes and toys to see how they work, and even eating crickets to see how they taste. That was a reoccurring attempt, I caught him trying to eat a cricket shortly after he turned two, but me telling him to stop seemed to only stir him up more. With how many times he’s tried by now, I've taken quite the liking to calling him ‘Cricket’ for his nickname. 

I think it suits him, sometimes even more then Oliver does with how much my boy hops around! 

Who can blame him? 

… 

Were together at Mira National park, sitting under the trees. The gentle wind has already lulled my boy to sleep while using my arm has his own personal pillow. Everything feels too perfect in this moment. It’s could be a dream, if so then this is a dream I'm not ready to wake up from. 

…


	17. Chapter 17

“Babe?” 

“...” 

“Babe!” 

“Huh?” I look up from my phone to look at David, his face has started getting foggy too. 

“You’ve been staring at your phone for a while now. Are you alright?” 

“Yeah, just weird... dreams, I think. Just weird dreams.” 

He doesn’t push my any further on the topic. he doesn’t do much of anything really. Just waits. What is he waiting for? 

For me? 

Did he ask me to do something and I didn’t notice? Both of our plates are empty, so I take a stab in the dark that maybe he asked for me to do the dishes today. I grab his plate and he doesn’t move. No nod of acknowledgement or a ‘thanks’. Just stays still 

I get up to put everything in the sink when I hear a kid's laughter. 

It must've been outside. 

But it’s not. It sounds like it's in our bedroom. Placing down out dishes I head back to investigate; David is gone but I don’t fully compute that while one my mission to see why a kid is in our apartment. 

“Moooom~! Stop! THAT TICKLES!” 

I open the door and there's a kid rolling around on my mattress has if being tickled. But there's no one else here. I step further inside, the floor creaks, giving me away, and I freeze. The kid looks up, ghostly pale but with a bright smile on his face. He stares for a bit, his gaze unnerving slightly. 

“Mom?” 

…


	18. Chapter 18

I wake up from the scurrying sounds of what I assume to be a squirrel checking out our tent. I look over and see Cricket sleeping peacefully. It’s still early so I get up to get a start on out breakfast. He wakes up soon after I do, probably from all the clanking and clanging of metal has I try to set up my new portable stove. From the looks of it you’d think I bought a puzzle game rather than a stove. 

“Morning mom...” He barely gets out the words before a big yawn aver takes him, making his body shake a little bit. It’s summertime so his clothes stick to him uncomfortably. I would’ve preferred not camping in summer, but Cricket started school and I was busy during fall and spring break, so summer it is. I get lost in my thoughts while my boy digs around for his swim trunks. 

“Hey mom? There was a lake not too far from here, can I do take a quick swim before eating?” 

“I don’t know, I want to see how the water looks first, and breakfast is almost ready.” 

“But you can just eat first! I promise that the water looked really clear! Nice and shallow like you told me to look for!” He can’t contain his little bounces. I build myself up to be stern, he really shouldn’t swim alone at a park I don’t know very well... 

But those damn puppy eyes. 

He is probably uncomfortable from the heat so maybe a quick dip would do him good. 

“How far is it?” 

“We passed it on the way here! I was at the bottom of a little cliff about a speedy 5 minutes from here! But I'm a really good runner and I bet I could run there in 2 minutes easy peasy.” He puffs out his chest and shines his way-too-bright smile at me, I'm simply too weak for this. 

“Fine, but don’t run, I don’t want you to trip and hurt yourself. And be quick with your swim, I want you in, out, and back here quickly.” 

“But no running?” 

“No running. Are you not up for the challenge?” I smirk at him. My boy will take on any challenge presented to him, so of course, he took the bait. 

“Fine! Be very, very, very quick with no running aloud; got it! Bye mommy!” With that, he was speed walking away from me. I chuckle and grab the bacon I was cooking up. I wasn't about to actually let my boy wander on his own yet, but I'd give him a head start and follow behind. 

… 

He was right, the water was really clear at this lake. Eerily clear. Something was unsettling about it. I was watching from behind a tree as Cricket throws off his shirt and runs in. 

And then everything moves too fast but too slow at the same time. A couple walks by talking about some legend they heard about existing at this park. A deer gets scared off from drinking when Cricket runs in. And the worst happens. 

He just... Drops. 

I try not to panic at first, thinking that maybe he's just dunking himself. But then splashing comes, and no boy follows. It clicks in my head too late. 

He’s drowning. 

My boy. He’s DROWING! 

I launch myself forward running into the couple that got closer to stare at the water from a safe distance. The man tries to stop me but I wiggle out of his grip and sprint to where I saw my boy, Cricket, OLIVER go down! I’m a couple steps into the lake when I feel the drop off of the bottom ground. The man has run after me telling me it’s not safe. I try to tell him that my boy is in there! He needs me! 

I can almost hear the screams!! 

It’s too much to deal with as I struggle against the man. He doesn’t seem keen on letting me go a second time. 

… 

Everything is dimmer now. I’ve been talking with a park ranger and officers for hours. I can feel their judging glares, their critical and cruel thoughts. They’re not hiding their feelings well, I can see the disgust blatantly played out on their faces. They think I'm a bad mother. 

And maybe I am. 

Who am I kidding, I definitely am. 

I knew I wouldn’t be a good mother from the beginning. But I still tired. 

And look where that got me 

… 

Just the other day, I was wishing this was a dream I didn’t have to wake up from. But now I'm ready to leave. I can’t stand being in a world that isn’t lit by my boy. 

How am I supposed to live? What do I even do now? 

…


	19. Chapter 19

Hiccup 

Oh, I'm crying. I raise my hand to feel the tears that are streaming down my face. Why am I crying? 

“Hey there, why are you crying?” 

I look up to see a blank face starting back at me. I don’t recognize them, but I recognize the area around her. This is my old office. But how? This place when down years ago because the magazine wasn’t selling... 

“Are you okay?” 

I numbly shake my head no. I stand up on shaky legs and tell her I'm leaving. She doesn’t do much to stop me, not that I care either way. Everything feels so dull. 

I race home in a panic, I’m pretty sure I sped through a red light at least once but I really can’t bring myself to care. Once I reach the door to my -or is it still our- apartment, I hesitate. I can’t tell what a dream and what's not anymore. I need something to help ground me in some form of reality. Cautiously opening the door, I see David taking up the whole couch with papers and book. He must've been studying. 

“Babe?” 

I think I'm still crying. I look up to try and focus on his face but it’s foggy again, it doesn’t help my panic at all so I do then next best thing and launch myself into his chest. I don’t care if papers go everywhere, I just need to know he’s real. I calm down slightly feeling his hand slide through my hair, but not as much as I hoped. 

“What’s going on? Why are you back home so early?” 

“I couldn't stay there w-when he just di-died! I was right t-there but he’s gone now and I d-don't know what to do with myself anymore!” 

By now I'm in full tears, and David is just more confused, “Who died?” 

“O-Oliver!” 

Does David even know of Oliver? Did I ever tell him his own sons name? I’m too confused to think properly so I just try and focus of his comforting hold. I don’t feel worthy of just comfort right now though. 

…


	20. Chapter 20

This dream is too much. I can’t take it anymore. My apartment to too big without Cricket taking up space. I got fired from another job too so I can’t keep this apartment if I wanted too. It hurts but I have to leave. 

That’s it! 

If I can’t wake up from this awful dream then I'll just force myself out. It seems drastic sure but I don’t have much else left here for me. My parents stopped really caring a long time ago, David made his feelings clear when leaving, and no job sticks. I wasn’t even that great of a writer anyways. It was a dumb dream to have; being a famous writer. Now I just want to be out of this hell. 

Trudging into the kitchen and grab all the pill bottles I have lying around. At some point are started hoarding them. But I don’t even remember doing that. It could just be because the dream let me have all these bottles. Yea that it, the dream is giving me the out itself. 

I make the decision to shuffle my way to my boy’s room. I’ll leave soom, but I want the last sight of this dream to be things that remind me of Cricket. 

I uncap bottle after bottle and down pill after pill. It’s hard since I forgot water but that doesn’t really matter. Soon I'll wake up on the real side and things will sort themselves out. 

Although I don’t know what my reality holds. 

My body starts to tense up and it gets harder and harder to swallow the pills. Assuming that this means I've had enough, I lean back a relax. Maybe I'll have one more final dream before waking up. I hope it’s a happy one at least. 

As I stare at the head of the bear sticker, I notice the edges of my vision going funny. My stomach is doing uncomfortable flips all over the place. I bet if I stood up now, I'd be a bad time. But I'm not going anywhere. 

My head starts pounding so I close my eyes to try and relieve the pain and pressure. 

It helps a lot makes it easier to drift off... 

… 

I hear a faint all in the distance but I can’t quite hear it yet... whatever... 

… 

… 

“Hey mom!” He flashes that dazzling smile at me and I can’t help but smile back. 

...


End file.
